Sex, lies and deluxe dildos: If I dare to, will you too?

 

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I’ve been doing a reality check and I’ve come up with SO MANY things I just NEED to share with you, cos I bet I’m not alone regarding some of the things I’m discovering.

Like what?

Who’s into donkey dicks, say ‘Aye!’

Am I a freak? I don’t think I’m a freak…

Reality check: I’m definitely NOT into big dicks.

In erotic stories, he’s always XXXL and she’s always got a teeny-weeny tight little mouse hole, so he ends up stretching her to the max. Which she loves.

Erm, no thanks. Any time I’ve ever had a man let out his donkey dick, I gulp out of sheer fright and would rather run 100 miles in the opposite direction. I have be known to send guys home without ‘getting it’, cos I’m definitely not into that. Have him stretch me so far I’ll either need stitching or be fanny farting for hours to come? Erm, no thanks.

Just because it’s huge, doesn’t mean it’s good. Now this is where I need you to dare to tell me the truth:

If you have a partner with such a whopper, is it really good sex or is it just painful sex? Painful not in a sexy way, but just plain uncomfortable?

And for my gentlemen readers:

Has a woman ever said: ‘no thank you, hun, pack it back and take it home’?

I guess it also depends on how skilled your partner is, whatever the size. As my grandmother once told me as we stood by the kitchen window, thinking up stories about passers by:

some a them got them Rolls Royce and don’ even know how to park it. And some a them got them mini and can park it everywhere perfectly well, thank you.

Me? I like mini that can ease itself into the tightest of slots…

I need a new toy. Any advice?

My birthday’s coming up soon. It’s time I increase my repertoire of sex aids. For the moment, all I have  –  in addition to my bedroom shoes and a crotch-less body stocking (which I DO look good in!)  –   is a variety of (fresh!) fruit and veg. Oh, and my corduroy chair. If you don’t know the story about my corduroy chair and the role it plays, along with another woman, in my best orgasm ever, read about it here. For those who already know the story but would like to read it again (and hear an orgasm that would make Meg Ryan crawl back to her trailer park), go ahead, treat yourself, I don’t mind.

A good friend of mine has given me a tip: the eroscillator. Do you know this one? OMG!!! I’ve got the top deluxe version on my wish list now. It’s not cheap ($240), but my birthday’s coming up (so is Christmas). Here’s what some of the users are saying:

YES.YES.YES:

I was hesitant to spend the money on this even after I read the reviews. I haven’t left the first setting yet and wow is all can say. I may not ever leave my house again.
LONG LASTING PLEASURE:
Wife loves this one. Has plenty of power and never quits. Had to order 2 in case the first one broke.

THE DEVICE SOMETIMES DOESN’T TURN OFF, WHICH IS INTERESTING…
Works well but we don’t think it’s worth the money
.

Well now, doesn’t THAT sound tempting? One woman claims to be using her eroscillator  for fourteen years now. Can’t make up my mind whether that’s good or sad. The equipment itself looks more like the donkey variety than the mini variety, but maybe I should give it a try. Over to you:

  • What’s your view/experience regarding (overly) well-endowed men?
  • What’s your tip for my next sexy prezzie?
  • Are there any toys out there that you consider a complete waste of time?

Hear from you soon, and remember:

Stay strong, stay beautiful, stay just the way you are.

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