You need not fear me anymore
Or rather,
you need not fear her anymore:.
for she has gone
she won’t
trouble you from now on:
I have put her back to where she was
before you came along.
I thought there would be
room
for her
in my life
I realize now that there still isn’t
if I am to continue
the life I lead now
Better keep her under lock
and
key…
Sounds
as though I am
talking about some
hideous monster
doesn’t it:
something
horribly dangerous that
no-one
seems able to cope with
and not
that I am talking about
something
natural; something
as innocent
as curious…
Something legitimate
Anyhow
back home she goes
where we can both live
safe from harm.
If only
it would not cost me
so much
effort
to keep her
in her
place…
Never have I been so
tired
in all my life –
drained
in the middle
of the day so that my only option
was to lay down
my head
and
close my eyes to
such insuperable
inexplicable
fatigue
Until my mind walked the
bridge between my
exhaustion
and the
effort I expended daily to
suppress
the Woman
in me.
And there I was
fearing another pregnancy!
In a sense, I am;
with child, though she will
never be born;
never grow to be strong
and
independent
or the source of pleasure to my eye…
My secret she will forever remain –
my Jew in the attic:
I look in from time
to time –
she may stay
provided she keeps a
low
profile…
And when no-one’s about, I stay
a little longer –
move a little closer;
strike up a conversation
which is always amazing
Why, I ask myself
why should anyone fear
something so wonderful;
why should she
have to
hide?
And in moments of intense
defiance
I refuse to hide her:
I let her come
out
And she may live:
On paper.
(from The Red Room. Illustration: In Silence, by Naomi Brosnan)
Ah, so I’m not the only one!
Good piece.
I liked the flow.
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Thanks! One of many, written when the agony gets to be so much I have to let a chink of it out.
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